News Taffy

Have you ever cooked a meal that simply wasn’t worth eating? Tried a new recipe that received a blah rating from your family? Thrown out the food you just cooked and gone out to dinner? It is ironic that last week’s column was about ways to save money on food and this week I’m telling you how to get rid of food but these things happen.

I tried a new recipe last night that resulted in this column. That was the only good thing about it. Magazines must be under a lot of pressure to come up with fabulous new recipes each month and sometimes they publish duds. Usually I can spot them but last night I failed to protect my family. Here are the best ways to cover up your mess, too.

Feed it to the dog, but only if it’s an outside dog in case he barfs it back up. This won’t work with cats, they are too smart and finicky.

If you don’t have pets, give it to the neighbor’s dog or the neighborhood raccoons.

Freeze it for a later meal and wait several months for it to develop freezer burn. (Then you can happily toss it.)

Freeze it and take it to the next church potluck, but make sure it is in a disposable dish. Don’t put your name on it and don’t let anyone see you put it on the table!

Hide it in the back of the fridge until it molds. Then it can be used as a school science experiment.

Feed it to hogs if you are lucky enough to have any.

If it isn’t that bad, try adding something like cheese or making it into soup. This option has a high rate of failure though.

Pretend to leave it on the counter to “cool,” then forget to put in the fridge that evening. No one wants salmonella.

“Share” it with a neighbor or your in-laws, especially if you don’t like them.

Pick out any edible parts, if there are any, and scrap the rest.

“Accidentally” leave the stove on so the meal burns. The pot will be difficult to clean, but it will be worth it.

Take it to work and share it with your co-workers.

Freeze it and serve it to house guests who out stay their welcome.

Remember if it is spectacularly bad, it will become a great story that you can laugh at for years to come. It can also be told at parties.

Give your husband an extra large helping then mention that your PMS is especially bad this time.

Bury it in the yard and hope no one finds it.

Serve dinner really late when everyone is so hungry they’d eat dog food from a can and love it.

Buck up and just throw it away!

Remind anyone who criticizes your cooking efforts that if they don’t like it, they can do the shopping and cooking from now on. That keeps everyone at my house quiet! My husband even said last night’s soup wasn’t so bad, but then he got in late and was starving.

Good luck and happy cooking!